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After more than two decades as an educator, you chose to step into family recovery work. What personal experiences led you to launch Illume Family Recovery?

I worked as a health education teacher, wellness coordinator and school drug prevention coordinator at the school my two boys attended in Richmond, Virginia.

Our oldest son started struggling with substance use and mental health challenges in high school. We spent a great deal of time and money trying to find empirically supported resources for our son and for us as his parents. I became frustrated with some of the harmful messages I was hearing that did not align with my values. I knew that he was not a bad person, but that he was an unhealthy person who needed help. I knew that I had a role to play in my son’s recovery and that he may or may not recover, but I was not going to give up on him, nor was I going to allow it to destroy our family.

Our son was arrested for distribution of marijuana on June 18, 2014. Yes, it was heartbreaking and a really hard time for our family. I had to go deeper into my family recovery journey to work through my feelings around it. I dove into learning what I could do to help, while allowing him the natural consequences of his actions. I learned that it was not helpful for me to try to “fix” things for him, but to provide options and opportunities for recovery and to show him love along the way. I found that as I learned more and my journey evolved, people in similar situations (a family member with mental health and substance use challenges) started to reach out to me for guidance.

I had plenty of lived experience, but as a past educator I wanted to be able to provide resources and tools to help family members develop skills to be their loved one’s best chance for recovery while still taking care of themselves. This mental framework is what I learned from becoming a certified BALM (Be A Loving Mirror) Family Recovery coach and joining its supportive community. The BALM program provides an online learning platform, live Zoom classes and support groups that helps to catapult the family into recovery.

As a result of my teaching background, training, circumstances and what I had learned on my own journey, I decided that this was my next calling, the next chapter of my life. I started Illume Family Recovery to shine the light of love on family recovery in early 2019.

“Together: Family Recovery” shifts the focus from individual addiction to the healing journey of the whole family. What impact do you hope the film will have on families and communities?

Together: Family Recovery, is a powerful new documentary that explores the often-overlooked experiences of families navigating a loved one’s substance use disorder featuring three family stories with expert insight.

When a family member is suffering the negative effects of substance use, it destabilizes the entire family system. Families often feel alone in their search for direction and support. The film aims to be a lifeline for families and loved ones, providing reliable education, compassionate actionable solutions, and the tools to become powerful allies in recovery.

In addition, we are excited to have the Virginia Commonwealth University School of Social Work on board to assess the impact on viewers of our documentary film, Together: Family Recovery . Viewers will take a pre- and post-film survey that assesses the impact of potential changes in awareness, knowledge, attitudes, actions of participants and reported changes in their family communication patterns.

On our website, people can find additional family recovery resources and information from trusted providers that align with our mission. We hope to create awareness and movement across Virginia and the United States for family recovery.

Illume has helped hundreds of families learn to support loved ones with substance use and mental health challenges. What has been the most rewarding story of transformation you’ve witnessed?

Recovery is not a linear process for our loved one struggling with mental health and substance use, or for the family that is walking alongside their family member. It is a lifetime commitment and journey. Some of the rewarding moments that I have been able to witness – 

1. The transformation in the family members in who they are being and how they are showing up in their relationship with their loved one.
   • I watch families learn to be true to themselves and align their decisions with their values.
   • Develop skills for self-regulation, set healthy boundaries, allow natural consequences and focus on self-care.
   • Learn to live a full life beyond what their loved one is doing.
2. When the family heals and everyone has done “the work” to get to a healthier place as individuals and as a family. They all realize the gifts of recovery – a stronger, more caring and resilient relationship grounded in trust and love.
3. Family recovery principles are used in every relationship in our lives and allow us to show up authentically and in a way that empowers those around us to have autonomy, while respecting that everyone is the author of their own story.

One of my favorite stories is about a grandmother and grandfather that adopted their two grandsons at a young age when their daughter was struggling with mental health. The grandmother reached out to me when the oldest grandson started struggling in high school with mental health and substance use. I started coaching the grandparents and got them connected to resources. They became sponges, absorbing everything they could learn about family recovery. Recently, this young man went to treatment again, this time for gambling issues. He wrote a beautiful letter to his family and I think his words are very powerful and explain the impact that family recovery can have on a loved one struggling with addiction and the entire family system.

“I love the BALM and everything that you have learned from family recovery. Thank you for continuing to love me, even when I can’t find the strength to love myself. Without your continued undying support, I don’t think I would have the courage to get back up and try again. Thank you for showing me that love is something that isn’t just doing the easiest options to make me happy, but rather the hard things that help me grow as a person. I have been plagued by addiction for nearly six years, but I still have motivation to be better because you have helped me understand that I am never fighting this battle alone. That it is not my flaws and defects that define me but rather my character and my drive that helps me grow into the best version of myself.” 

For families walking through addiction or mental health challenges, what resources—books, support groups, or organizations—would you recommend they start with?

I encourage people to visit our website at www.illumefamilyrecovery.org for vetted resources. We have lists of books, websites, organizations and support groups. If you register for our newsletter you will receive information about upcoming classes, workshops and events.

Three of my favorite books are:

• Anatomy of Peace, by the Arbinger Institute BALM
• Be A Loving Mirror by Beverly Buncher
• Beyond Addiction by the Jeffrey Foote, Carrie Wilkens and Nicole Kosanke

About Kathy Wrenn

Kathy has a background in education as a teacher, school wellness coordinator and drug prevention committee chair. Kathy was a health and physical education teacher for 21 years at a school in Richmond, VA where she started a school-wide wellness program and was the coordinator for the school drug prevention program.

For more information visit Illume Family Recovery website: www.illumefamilyrecovery.org or call (804)445-9600.